he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
