just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
