Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
