god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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