saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
that's an acceptable place to lick
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
