did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
