I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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