Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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