Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
