his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
