Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
