I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
