Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
