According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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