yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
