she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
