Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
