Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
