In the future we'll all be gay
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I can tuck mytits in my pants
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
