dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
