one two three fourrrrnication!
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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