i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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