u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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