I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
