it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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