those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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