All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize