Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
