no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Randomize
