yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
