So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
