I love black thongs
Please, let me fuck your mom
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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