News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
