god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
