The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
