there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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