Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
