dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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