You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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