She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
