Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
