I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
