I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
