dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
