Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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