I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
