a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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