Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
