life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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