Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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