I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We need a shit load of segways right now
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
