I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize