just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
