waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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