So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
