Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
