That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
