currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
