Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize