He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
