U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
