the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize