sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
