There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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