I just saw a hot homeless man
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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