Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
