if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
