HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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